Announcer-- " Hello and welcome! Introducing for her first cameo appearance, Our very own hostess, Raya!!!"
<< Applause >>
Raya: " Hello everyone! Welcome to the Kenshin-Gumi Newlywed game! I’ll take a moment to introduce my co-host, Myojin Yahiko."
<< Applause >>
Yahiko: " Why do I have to be the co-host? I wanna be the host!"
Raya: " Well—Saito and Hiko both turned the role down, and you’re too young to marry Tsubame."
Yahiko: ::turns bright red:: " HOW DO YOU KNOW ABOUT ME AND TSUBAME?!"
Raya: " Oh hoho—it’s way too obvious… you’ve been spending A LOT of time at the Akabeko recently…"
Yahiko: "Grr… anyways, let’s introduce the contestants."
Raya: ::remembers she’s on live TV:: " OH! Yeah of course. Heh…"
Yahiko: ::sweatdrop:: " Dumbass.."
Raya: ::nonchalantly grabs him by the back of his Gi and tosses him off stage:: " Our first contestants are none other than Rurouni Kenshin’s most popular couple! Introducing Himura Kenshin and Kaoru."
::lights come on the couple::
Kenshin: ::looks at the audience wide eyed.;: " Oro—"
Kaoru: " Konnichiwa minna!!" ::Kaoru flashes a winning smile::
Raya: " How long have you two been married?"
Kaoru: ::puts arms around Kenshin, squeezes him:: " Just recently!"
Kenshin: ::nervously:: " Kaoru-dono…"
Kaoru: ::whacks him over the head:: " KAORU!"
Kenshin: "Itai! K-Kaoru… people are watching…"
Kaoru: " Of COURSE people are watching! We’re on TV!" ;:hugs him tighter::
Kenshin: "Oroooo—"
Raya: ::sweatdrop:: " Ah-hem.. anyways, on to the next contestants…Introducing—"
Yahiko: "—I wanna introduce them!"
Raya: ::looks distasteful:: " Ohh—you’re back…"
Yahiko: " Gotta a problem with it?"
Raya:: " None at all…" :: makes faces at him behind his back.::
Yahiko: ::reads notecards:: " Next contestants are— The Chickenhead and the Foxy Doctor, Sagara Sanosuke and Megumi!"
<<Applause>>
:;lights go up on second contestants::
Sano: ::stands up threateningly:: " WHO’RE YOU CALLING CHICKENHEAD!?"
Megumi: ::sweatdrop, whispers:: " Sit down!"
Yahiko: " SHUT UP! IT’S WHAT IT SAYS ON THE CARDS!"
Sano: "WHO WROTE THE CARDS!?"
Yahiko: " How am I supposed to know you <bleep>"
Raya: ::whacks Yahiko over the head:: " This is a public Television program! Open to all audiences. No swearing!"
Yahiko: " I’ll <bleep>ing swear as much as I <bleep>ing want to!"
Raya: ::sweatdrop:: " Anyways, Sanosuke and Megumi, everyone’s dying to know—WHY are you two married? I always thought you hated each other!"
Sano: " Well, it’s cause I’m a <bleep>ing <bleep> <bleep> in <bleep>"
Megumi: ::turns bright red:: " Sano!!"
Raya: ::SWEATDROP:: " Sorry—no lemon allowed in this parody either."
Yahiko: " Figures…"
Raya: ::whacks him over head:: "PERVERT!"
Yahiko: "Itai!!" ::rubs head:: " Ok ok! Next contestants!"
Raya: ::grabs cards out of his hand:: " Ah-hem—Our next contestants are the bouncy happy weasel girl, and Mr. Too cool in the white trench coat, Shinomori Aoshi and Misao."
<<applause>>
Misao: " WHO’S THE WEASEL GIRL!?"
Raya: ::chucks cards over her shoulder:: " Whoever wrote these has quite the sense of humor…"
Aoshi: "…"
Misao: " HELLO MINNA!!! GENKI? HOW’S IT GOIN’??" ::flashes victory sign::
Aoshi: "…"
Raya: " Heh—Well, the audience wants to know, how in the world did you two ever finally get together? It seemed you were getting nowhere with your relationship with Aoshi—"
Misao: ::flashes her a death look::
Raya: ::sweatdrop:: " Errr--- that’s what it SEEMED like…"
Misao: ::huggles Aoshi who sits like a board, his face never changing:: " It’s OUR SECRET! Isn’t that right Aoshi-sama?!"
Aoshi: "…"
Misao: " He’s just being shy—he’ll come out of his shell eventually."
Aoshi: "…"
Raya: " Yeah—shy… right." * ah-hem * " And now for our final contestants!"
Yahiko: " It’s my turn this time ugly!"
Raya: "WHO DO YOU THINK YOU’RE CALLING UGLY?!"
Yahiko: " YOU! Who else?"
Raya: " FINE—read the <bleep<ing cards then Yahiko-CHAN!"
Yahiko: ::grabs them away:: " WHO’RE YOU CALLING CHAN?"
Raya: "WHO WERE YOU CALLING UGLY!?"
Yahiko: "UGLY!"
Raya: "YAHIKO-CHAN!"
Yahiko: "UGLY!"
Raya: "CHAN!"
Yahiko: "UGLY!"
Raya: "CHAN!"
Kenshin: ::sweatdrop:: " Maa Maa—please calm down you two!"
Raya: ::in the middle of pulling on Yahiko’s spikey hair:: " Yeah, listen to Kenshin! He know’s what he’s talking about!"
Yahiko: ::releases his jaws from her leg, leaves tooth marks:: " Ok ok—"
Raya: "Itai—"
Yahiko: ::reads cards:: " Our next contestants are… Oh gods—no…"
Raya: " Huh? Who are they?"
Yahiko: ::sweatdrop:: "ShiShiO Makoto and Yumi…"
<< no applause>>
Kenshin: "Nani?"
Sano: "WHAT?! NO WAY!"
Aoshi: "…"
Kaoru: " HE’S BACK?!"
ShiShiO: ::laughs coldly:: " My—what a warm welcome"
Raya: " ShiShiO? What are you doing here?"
ShiShiO: " Well a man can take a break from his Kuni-Tori in Hell every once and a while."
Yumi: ::draping herself on him: " ShiShiO-sama…"
ShiShiO: ::raises one eyebrow:: " Please—distance yourself a little bit Yumi…"
Yahiko: " WHO LET HIM ON THE SHOW?!"
Raya: ah-hem " Let’s not worry about it. First question! The women will be answering first."
Yahiko: "Hai! What is your spouses favorite past time?"
Kaoru: " Oh! That’s an easy one! Kenshin likes to save me from all the psychotic murderers who kidnap me to try and turn him battousai!"
Raya: " Err—what did Kenshin say?"
Kenshin: ::smiles, holds up card:: " Protecting Kaoru-dono…"
Kaoru: ::whacks him on the head:: " KAORU!"
Kenshin: " ORO!" ::quickly scratches out the ‘dono.’ "
Raya: ::looks at Yahiko:: " What do you think?!"
Yahiko: "Close enough I guess…"
Raya: "Ok! Give them a point!"
<< one point shows on their scoreboard.>>
Kaoru: "YATTA!"
Raya: " Megumi?"
Megumi: ::thinks hard:: " Bumming food off of his friends."
Sano: ::sweatdrop, holds up card:: " Training to become stronger."
Megumi: ::mouth falls open:: "WHAT? You lazy idiot, bumming food is all you EVER do!"
Sano: " Hey! I’ve never said that I LIKE doing it!"
Yahiko: ::shakes head:: "Sorry, no points for you…"
Raya: " Misao?"
Misao: ::wracks her brains:: "Oooo—what does Aoshi-sama like to do? His favorite past time!? Errr--- DAMMIT!"
Aoshi: "…"
Misao: " All he ever does is meditate in the temple! I guess that’s his favorite thing to do."
Aoshi: ::holds up card:: " Gaining inner peace."
Raya: ::sweatdrop:: " He never says it out loud—"
Yahiko: " Yeh—I guess that’s what he’s trying to accomplish by all that meditating."
Raya: "Shall we give it to them?"
Yahiko: " I guess so—"
<< one point on their score board >>
Misao: " YATTA!!" ::jumps into Aoshi’s lap, kisses him::
Aoshi: "…"
Raya: << covers Yahiko’s eyes>>
Yahiko: ::tosses her hand away:: "HEY! I’M NO LITTLE KID!"
Raya: "Err—ok ok—never mind, What does Yumi say?"
Yumi: "Well, that’s easy. ShiShiO-sama’s favorite thing to do is taking over the world to make it the strongest."
ShiShiO: ::holds up card:: " World Domination."
Raya: " Well, I saw that coming, what about you Yahiko?"
Yahiko: " Ok ok—give ‘em a point."
<< one point on Yumi and ShiShiO’s score board. >>
Sano: "We’re behind—dammit Megumi! You’d better win the next one!"
Megumi: " If you weren’t such an unimaginative blockhead, I would have won the first one!"
Raya: " Maa maa—Ok, time for the next question. This one is worth two points so pay close attention."
Yahiko: " What is your spouses favorite food?"
Kaoru: ::sweatdrop, looks at Kenshin:: " Ummm--- well, Kenshin likes…"
Raya: "Three seconds…"
Kaoru: " He likes—fish?"
Raya: " You need to be more specific."
Kaoru: " Catfish?"
Kenshin: ::sighs, holds up card:: " Anything that Kaoru makes for me."
Kaoru: << BLUSH >>
Raya: "Aww—that’s cute."
<< audience Awws >>
Sano: "How can he stand to eat anything she makes?"
Kaoru: ::throws him a death glance:
Yahiko: "But, she didn’t get the question right."
Kaoru: ::hangs head:: "Shimmata…"
Raya: " Ok—on to the next contestants, Megumi?"
Megumi: " That’s easy, Sukiyaki from the Akabeko."
Sano: ::holds up card:: " Sukiyaki from the Akabeko."
Yahiko: " Right on!"
<< two points appear on Megumi and Sano’s scoreboard. >>
Raya: " Misao?"
Misao: ::looks at Aoshi nervously:: " I—I’m not sure, he never expresses his feelings about food."
Aoshi: "…"
Raya: "Three seconds."
Misao: " Ummm…"
Raya: "Two—"
Misao: " Errr----"
Raya: "One—"
Misao: ::bangs head on the table:: " DAMMIT!"
Raya: " Time’s up—I’m sorry… What did Aoshi say?"
Aoshi: ::holds up card:: " Freshwater Bass from Lake Powell.."
(*Authors Note * - This is a running gag with me and my friends, we went to Lake Powell and wrote a parody starring the Kenshin Gumi at Lake Powell, with Aoshi having some strange obsession with fishing… if you want to read it, it’s right here.)
Raya: "Errr—could have fooled me. Yumi?"
Yumi: " Human."
Yahiko: ::blinks;: " Excuse me? You need to answer the question—"
Yumi: " I did, ShiShiO likes to eat people."
Raya: ::SWEATDROP:: " What did he say?"
ShiShiO: ::holds up card:: " The weak people."
<< Audience boos>>
Raya: ::feels suddenly sick:: " Yeah, well, you did take a bite out of Kenshin that time—"
Kenshin: ;:shudders:: " I still have nightmares de gozaru."
Raya: " NEXT QUESTION! Yumi and ShiShiO are in the lead with 3 points, Sano and Megumi have 2, Kenshin and Kaoru, and Misao and Aoshi are tied for last with 1.
Misao: ::continues banging her head:: "IT’S NOT FAIR!"
Yahiko: " Yeah, well GET OVER IT!"
Misao: ::looks at him with razor sharp eyes:: " EXCUSE ME?!"
Yahiko: " YOU HEARD ME!"
Kaoru: ::rolls up her sleeve in determination, looks at Kenshin:: " I’ll get the next one right!"
Kenshin: ::sweatdrop:: " It’s really ok Kaoru-dono.."
Kaoru: ::whacks him over the head:: " KAORU!"
Kenshin: " Oro—"
Raya: < ah-hem> " This question is worth three points! What is your spouses favorite saying?"
Kaoru: ::eyes gleam:: " I will protect you!"
Kenshin: ::smiles at her, holds up card:: " Protect the weak."
Raya: " Hmmm.. I don’t know."
Yahiko: " Well—the protecting thing is right."
Raya: " Ok—we’ll give it to them."
Kaoru: "YATTA! Now, we’re back!!"
<< 4 points on Kaoru and Kenshin’s score board>>
Raya: "What does Megumi say?"
Megumi: " Put it on my tab."
Sano: ::blinks:: "WHAT?!"
Megumi: " Your motto—is " Put it on my tab!" "
Sano: ::sweatdrop:: " Don’t you think you’re being a little over sarcastic?"
Megumi: ::looks at him:: " Don’t tell me you—"
Sano: ::sighs, holds up card:: " I’ll kick your <bleep>
Megumi: ::smacks him over head;: "THAT’S YOUR SAYING!?!??"
Sano: "Better than what you said!"
Yahiko: ::sweatdrop:: " Sorry guys."
Raya: " Umm—no fist fights on TV please…"
Yahiko: ::turns to her:: " YOU threw me off the stage!"
Raya: " BUT I DIDN’T PUNCH YOU!"
Kenshin: " Maa Maa.. calm down de gozaru!"
Raya: ::sighs heavily:: " Ok Ok… Misao?"
Misao: ::jumps up excited:: " Hyotoko, Beshimi—"
Raya, Yahiko, Kaoru, Kenshin, and everyone joins her: " --- Shiki-jo, Han-nya…"
Aoshi: "…" ::holds up card:: " Hyotoko, Beshimi, Shiki-jo, Han-nya."
Misao: "YES!!!"
Raya: " Heh—Who else saw that coming?"
<< 4 points on their score board>>
Yahiko: " Yumi?"
Yumi: " The strong survive, the weak die."
Yahiko: ::rolls eyes:: " Ok—that one was a given…"
Raya: ::sweatdrop:: " Didn’t Kenshin prove that point wrong?"
Kenshin: " I don’t believe in it, but you’re thinking wrongly if I proved him wrong by winning."
Raya: " Heh—Yeah Yeah.. I know what you mean."
ShiShiO: ::holds up card with a smirk:: " The Strong Survive, the Weak Perish."
Kaoru: ::whispers to Kenshin:: " No wonder they’re winning, ShiShiO is so damn predictable!"
::ShiShiO casts her an icy look::
Raya: " Ok—now for a word from our sponsers… We’ll be back shortly so stay tuned!"
<< Hiko stands on the beach looking out at the sunset, there’s a Calvin Kleinesque motif where the picture is all black and white, and all you hear are the sounds of the waves.
Announcer: " Fall Fashions are in, You too can don this stylish red and white manto, now at JC Pennies for only $95.99 ">>
Raya: " Ok that’s enough of that… back to the show!"
<< Audience applauds >>
Yahiko: " Now the husbands are going to be answering the questions. This first one is worth 1 point."
Raya: " We currently have Kenshin and Kaoru with 4 points, Sano and Megumi with 2, Aoshi and Misao with 4, and Yumi and ShiShiO in the lead with 6.
Yahiko: "Ready everyone?"
::everyone nods::
Raya: " What do you think your wife prides herself in the most?"
Kenshin: " Kaoru-dono is—"
Kaoru: ::whacks him over head:: " KAORU!"
Kenshin: " Orooo—Kaoru is proud of her mastership in Kamiya Kasshin Ryuu."
Kaoru: ::looks at him hurt, holds up card:: " Of my incredible, undying beauty."
Raya: " Err—sorry Kenshin…"
Yahiko: " You forgot Ugly’s vain streak.."
Kaoru: " WHAT WAS THAT?!"
Yahiko: " I said you’re VAIN!" ::gets nailed by the microphone Kaoru and Kenshin were talking into.::
Raya: " Err—calm down please! No throwing objects at the host or co-host…"
Kaoru: " Gomen.."
Raya: " No problem, Sano?"
Sano: :: thinks:: " Umm—that she’s a good doctor?"
Megumi: ::nods, holds up card:: " My skills in medicine."
Raya: " Good! Give it to ‘em."
<<3 points on Sano and Megumi’s score board >>
Misao: "Aoshi-sama’s turn!"
Aoshi: "…"
Raya: "What does Aoshi have to say?"
Aoshi: " To be a member of Oniwa Banshuu."
Misao: " HAIII!!" ::holds up card:: " I’m proud to be a member of the Oniwa Banshuu."
Megumi: ;:leans over to Sano:: " And Kaoru-san said ShiShiO was predictable!"
Raya: " Give it to them!"
<< 5 points on Misa and Aoshi’s score board.>>
Yahiko: "What does ShiShiO have to say?"
ShiShiO: " Yumi is proud to be on the arm of such a powerful and magnificent man as me."
All: ::sweatdrop::
Yumi: ::eyes sparkle, holds up card:: " To be with my ShiShiO-sama."
Kaoru: ::hangs head:: " We’re behind!!!!"
Kenshin: " I’m sorry Kaoru-dono.."
Kaoru: ::whacks him over head:: " KAORU!"
Kenshin: " Orooo.. Kaoru! Gomen!!"
<< 7 points on the board for ShiShiO and Yumi. >>
Kaoru: ::looks at Kenshin threateningly:: " You’d BETTER get the next one!"
Yahiko: " Next question for 2 points! What do you do that turns your spouse on?"
Raya: ::whacks him on head:: "NO LEMON!"
Yahiko: "IT’S NOT LEMON!"
Raya: ::eyes him suspiciously, ok, well—if we get angry calls from mothers complaining about the improper content of this show, YOU’RE the one that takes the blame!"
Yahiko: ::grumbles:: " Just answer the dumb question."
Kenshin: ::turns bright red:; "That’s—private stuff…"
Raya: ::rolls eyes:: " This is the newlywed show— you should have expected it…"
Kenshin: ::sweatdrop:: " Well—" ::looks at Kaoru nervously, she’s giving him her ‘you’d better not screw this up’ look:: " When I say Oro? "
Kaoru: ;:grins, holds up card:: " When he says Oro."
Raya: " Err—ok, give it to them!"
< 6 points for Kaoru and Kenshin >>
Sano: " When I <bleep> <bleep> and then <bleep> <bleep> her."
Megumi: ::eyes bug:: "…" ::to shocked to even speak::
::Everyone stares at him wide eyed::
Raya: ::GULP:: " Umm—I said NO LEMON!"
Sano: " <bleep> that."
Megumi: ::holds up card:: " When he does that ‘tightening the bandages on his wrists with his mouth’ thing"
Raya: " Err—sorry Sano…"
Sano: " WHAT! You mean that DOESN’T turn you on?"
Megumi: " I wasn’t about to write it on the card for the world to see!"
Yahiko: ::rolls eyes:: " Next?"
Aoshi: " …"
Raya: " You need to answer the question Aoshi. "
Aoshi: "…"
Misao: " He answered it!"
::Everyone looks at her like she’s lost it. Misao giggles and holds up her card:: " When Aoshi-sama is so quiet and serious."
Yahiko: " Err—I guess that would do it.. huh?"
Raya: ::lifts one eyebrow:: " Umm—I guess so. Give it to them."
<< seven points for Aoshi and Misao >>
Raya: "ShiShiO?"
ShiShiO: " When I make my one man speeches of conquering the world and making it the strongest."
Yumi: ::holds up card:: " ShiShiO’s speeches of world domination."
Raya: " Give it to them…"
<< 9 points for ShiShiO and Yumi >>
Raya: " Oh! That bell means time’s running up! We’ll have one final question to decide who the winner is, this question is worth five points, and if you get it wrong you get five points deducted from your score!"
Yahiko: " The men will answer the question, are you all ready?"
::everyone nods::
Raya: " Ok, here it is-- If you were a vegetable, what vegetable does your spouse think you’d be?"
Kaoru: ::stands up angrily:: " WHAT kind of a question is that?!"
Raya: " Just answer the question!!"
Kaoru: ::thinks for a moment, then writes something on a card out of Kenshin’s sight.::
Kenshin: ::SWEATDROP:: " Ano---"
Raya: " Three seconds.."
Kenshin: " Umm—A carrot?"
Kaoru: ::holds up card, beams:: " A carrot!"
Raya: " Well—with the hair, I guess I could see him as a carrot."
Yahiko: ::falls over laughing:: " A carrot! HA HA HA!!"
Kenshin: ::turns bright red::
<< 11 points on their score board>>
Raya: " Kenshin and Kaoru are now in the lead, with 11 points."
Sano: " I HAVE NO <bleep> ing IDEA!"
Raya: "Three seconds."
Megumi: " Just guess…"
Sano: " THIS IS THE <bleep>ingest <bleep>ing question I’ve ever heard!"
Raya: "One second left!"
Sano: " Err--- Radish?"
Megumi: ::holds up card:: " A potato."
Sano: " WHAT THE <bleep> WHY A POTATO?"
Megumi: ::eyes him:: "You’re lazy enough…"
Raya: " Ok— Sorry Guys, you’re –2 points."
Aoshi: "…"
Misao: " Come on Aoshi-sama!"
Aoshi: ::sweatdrop:: "…."
Misao: " Just—guess at least!"
Aoshi: "… "
Raya: "Two seconds remaining."
Aoshi: "…"
Raya: "One second…"
Aoshi: "…"
Raya: "Times up!"
Misao: ::holds up card:: " Corn."
Raya: ::blinks:: "Why Corn?"
Misao: ::shrugs:: " It was the first thing that popped into my head."
<< Audience cringes at the bad joke >>
Raya: " Heh- never be a stand up comedian…"
<< Misao and Aoshi have 2 points >>
Kaoru: ::crosses fingers:: " COME ON! COME ON!!"
Yahiko: " ShiShiO?"
ShiShiO: "I’d be a Jalapeno."
Yumi: :: looks at him shocked, holds up card:: " A Chili Pepper."
Kaoru: ::jumps out of her seat:: "YATAA!!! WE WON!! KENSHIN WE WON!!"
Sano: ::mutters:: "Only because of the color of Kenshin’s hair…"
Yumi: :::says distastefully:: "There are too many hot and spicy vegetables in the world…"
Raya: " And our winner is Himura Kenshin and Kaoru!! Tell them what they’ve won!"
Announcer: " A lifetime of free meals at the Akabeko!!"
Kaoru: " WHOOO HOO!!" ::hugs Kenshin too her, jumps up and down:: " YESSS!!!"
Kenshin: "Orooooo…"
Sano: ::hangs head in defeat:: " I’ve been waiting all my life—and It slipped right through my fingers!!"
Misao: ::beats on the table with her fists:: " IT’S NOT FAIR! IT’S NOT FAIR!!"
Aoshi: "…"
ShiShiO: ::stands with Yumi on his arm: " Let’s go, my Kuni-Tori is calling for me."
Yumi: :: giggles:: "Hai- ShiShiO-sama…"
Raya: "Thanks for watching! Tune in next week when we have the cast of Marmalade Boy on the show!"
Yahiko: ::sweatdrop:: "There are two many couples to count on that show though…"
Raya: "Yeah— It’s gonna be a two part show…"
Yahiko: "Well—you can count me out!"
Raya: ::smirk:: " Why? Gotta hot date with Tsubame?"
Yahiko: ::turns red:: " NO WAY YOU <bleep>"
Raya: "Hey—WATCH YOUR MOUTH!"
Yahiko: " Who <bleep>ing cares!!!"
Raya: " Ok—I’m gonna wash your mouth out with soap! You’ve been around Sanosuke too long!"
Sano: " What the <bleep> is going on here?"
Megumi: ::tugs at his arm:: " Don’t worry about that—lets go home."
Kaoru: " COME ON KENSHIN!" ::wraps arms around him seductively:: " Let’s go home. I wanna celebrate!" ::gives him a sly grin::
Kenshin: "Oro—"
Yahiko: ::sees them leaving:: " Ok—Jaa Raya! It was nice workin’ with ya!"
Raya: " OH you’re not going anywhere—" ::holds him up by the collar of his Gi::
Yahiko: "AHH! Why not!?"
Kaoru: ::sly grin, winks at Raya::
Raya: ::winks back:: " You have to stay a few more hours and help the clean up crew."
Yahiko: "WHAT!? THAT WASN’T IN MY CONTRACT!"
Raya: " Read the fine print next time"
Misao: ::sniffles:: " Come on Aosh-sama… let’s go home.. Jiya is probably wondering what’s keeping us…"
Aoshi: "…" ::allows her to drag him from the room.::
Yahiko: "LET ME GO! DAMN IT UGLY! LET ME GO!"
Raya: " GRRR--- I’M NEVER WORKING WITH YOU AGAIN!"