* Disclaimer* All rights to the Rurouni Kenshin Characters are Watsuki-sama's, Jump Comics, etc. All right to the character " Incarnations" Are property of Piers Anthony. There are references made to his book " On a Pale Horse." But you do not need to have read the book to understand what is happening. =) This is only a little fanfic by a crazed Kenshin fan, I'm a poor college art student, and not even worth suing! Enjoy!
Well, I came up with this fic when I still believed Kaoru was dead. But I liked the idea of it so much that I decided to keep on writing it. (Even though it's been established that, yes she IS alive) Consider this a "what if this happened" fic. Kind of like an alternative where Enishi does actually kill her. I know, it sounds awful, but believe me; this ISN'T going to be depressing! I'm determined to make it happy! And to appease all those Kenshin and Kaoru fans out there well >=)
? A little pre-fanfic know-how about "On a Pale Horse."
The incarnations mentioned in this fic are taken from " On a Pale
Horse." In Piers Anthony's book, he takes these aspects of life
and creates people for them-- much like we imagine there being a "Father
Time," and a "Mother Nature." Here, I will be making
references to human incarnations of " Death," "Fate,"
"Time," and "Nature." ( so far-- I don't know what other
ones I shall bring in from his book yet.)
CHAPTER 9 - Memories
Kaoru lay next to the plum tree in heaven, crying into Tomoe's
embrace as Tomoe tried to comfort the shaken angel.
"There there it was only a kiss nothing important you won't get into trouble, Himura-san won't either-- it was a mistake!"
" But--" Kaoru was wracked with sobs, Tomoe offered her a handkerchief from thin air, which she accepted and held to her red, puffy eyes. " But-- it's not just that why? Why am I so torn over this? It was SO hard to say those words like something inside of me broke! I've completely shattered him maybe it's my guilt "
" Maybe it's something else " Tomoe said softly. Kaoru looked up at her.
" Like what?" Her sobs had quieted as she eyed her friend nervously.
" Maybe, you're feeling what your past self would feel if put in this position maybe you're feeling your love for Himura-san."
This made Kaoru burst into a fresh flow of tears. She shook her head. " Oh gods-- no! This CAN'T be happening! I'm breaking the rules! I was never cut out for this work I'm NOT a good Guardian Angel First I break my clients heart, then find out that I'm in love with him what do I do? Resign?"
" You can't resign, A Guardian Angel can't resign."
" No-- I CAN'T be in love with him! I don't remember anything about him!" She shook her head determined. A sudden image filled her mind. Her eyes opened wide in shock.
" Kaoru-san? Kaoru-san?" Tomoe shook her, but the angel didn't hear her, she seemed to be in some sort of trance. Her body was rigid and she stared straight ahead, at something that Tomoe couldn't see.
Kaoru found herself surrounded by darkness. It was Tokyo, the morning was just beginning to dawn, but the sun hadn't risen above the horizon yet. She heard the sound of footsteps running. A girl rounded the corner wearing a yellow Gi and black Hakama. Her hair was in a high ponytail and she waived a Bokken around like she certainly knew how to use one.
" STOP THERE! HITOKIRI BATTOUSAI!" She demanded
as she skidded to a stop and pointed the bokken at a redheaded stranger.
The stranger stopped and turned around confused.
Kaoru gasped. It was-- Kenshin! And that girl, was herself what was going on?
" PREPARE YOURSELF!" Kaoru yelled as she charged him. Kenshin easily dodged her attack by jumping effortlessly into the air, but he landed roughly onto some weak crates and went crashing down to the ground in a cloud of splintered wood and dust.
" Orooooo "
Kaoru couldn't help but giggle. That was Kenshin all right so clumsy but only when around her.
The Kaoru of her past looked over at him curiously. "
Are you really the legendary Hitokiri?" She walked over to help him
up. Kenshin shook his head.
" sessha a Rurouni."
" A wandering samurai de gozaru yo, here-- do you think I could kill anyone with this?"
He offered her the hilt of his sword, The girl hesitated, then pulled it from its Saya.
" What's this?" She looked at it dubiously. "The blade is on the wrong side!"
" It's a Sakaba sword "
Kaoru's breath caught in her throat as sudden realization hit. "This it's the first time that I met Kenshin. When I was alive I challenged him while in pursuit of the man who was trying to ruin my dojo " she shook her head. " What? What's happening to me? Why--"
A sudden incredible array of images and memories flowed through her head.
She saw Kenshin run in on her in the bathtub. She saw his smiling face as he said the words.
" I don't think your father would expect you to die protecting the dojo, I think he would just want you to be happy."
She saw him moving with incredible speed, his sword flying as he injured several men who'd attacked her.
" The Hitokiri Battousai's style isn't Kamiya Kasshin Ryuu or your other style, it's called Hiten Mitsurugu Ryu, An assassins sword stance that uses God-Like speed. If I hadn't been using this special sword, you would all be dead."
She saw him standing with his back to the closed door of the
" I'm a little tired of Wandering "
A well of emotions flooded her, Kenshin-- so passionate, so kind,
and yet so mysterious in his own way. Kenshin--
Kaoru jolted out of her trance to hear Tomoe's pleas.
" KAORU-SAN!? ARE YOU OK?"
Kaoru blinked, seeing Tomoe's worried face and quickly shook her head.
" Wha--?" She remembered every detail of the meeting with Kenshin. What was happening to her? She looked at Tomoe and gave her a slight smile.
" I'm ok "
" What happened Kaoru-san?"
" I don't --I'm not sure " She looked up at Tomoe with a sudden feeling of embarrassment, like she shouldn't be talking about Kenshin with the angel. Kaoru sighed heavily. That was nonsense.
" Kaoru-san?" Tomoe voice her concern. Kaoru clutched the folds of her kimono.
" What should I do?"
" Tell Himura-san the truth."
" The truth?"
" He needs to hear it Kaoru-san you're only hurting him more by not telling him. I know you think it will hurt him, but it's for his own good."
Kaoru's eyes widened. Was she-- hurting him more by hiding? She knew it was true, deep down she knew it but always wanted to deny it. Something in her was trying to stop her from saying something as horrible as " I don't love you" to Kenshin.
" I-- I think you're right Tomoe-san I'm -- I'm only hurting him by hiding from him."
" I'm glad that you've finally de--" Tomoe trailed off at a sudden look of shock across Kaoru's face. "-- Kaoru-san?"
" He's calling me!"
Kaoru quickly stood up, dropping the handkerchief. In her mind she heard Kenshin's pain wracked voice calling her name, and the howling of wind. " I have to go!! Thank you again Tomoe-san!" Kaoru spread her wings and took off towards earth before Tomoe could respond.
Kenshin stumbled through the harsh storm. The rain came down,
pelting him like thousands of tiny needles. He turned from the wind
as his hair whipped about him in frenzy.
" KAORU-DONO!" He called as loud as he could. Rain mixed with tears clouded his vision. She HAD to come when he called, it was her duty as his Guardian Angel. He was going to get an answer from her-- he was going to find out why And he was NOT going to rest until he did.
" KENSHIN!" He heard her voice behind him and turned around to see her standing very still. She looked at him in shock. He could see the red rings under her eyes
" So she was suffering too " he thought. He clenched his teeth determined.
" KAORU-DONO! I'M SORRY! BUT I HAVE TO KNOW!"
" KENSHIN! GET OUT OF THIS STORM! WHAT ARE YOU DOING?" Kaoru yelled at him to be heard above the wind. She had not materialized herself, and her robes hung loosely around her, unaffected by the wind that was doing its best to choke Kenshin with his own hair as it whipped about his neck. Kenshin shook his head
" NOT UNTIL I GET AN ANSWER!!"
" TO WHAT?"
" TELL ME WHY YOU DON'T LOVE ME!" He could feel his courage coming back to him, he looked at her with fevered determination. Kaoru bit her lip, strong in her resolve.
" FIRST! GET OUT OF THE RAIN!" she demanded.
They walked through the streets until they found a secluded alley that was sheltered from the storm. Kenshin stood, dripping wet as Kaoru materialized herself and leaned against the wall, suddenly feeling very tired.
" Kenshin I don't want to hurt you " She bit her lip nervously.
" Kaoru-dono I want to know why."
" I-- I " The same images that she'd experienced earlier were suddenly coming back to her. Kenshin's smiling face...
" Kaoru-dono, I don't think your father would expect for
you to die protecting his name, I think he would expect you to be happy."
" AHH!!" She clutched her head, recoiling in pain. Kenshin jumped to her aid.
" KAORU-DONO?! Are you ok?! What's wrong?"
There was such panic in his voice. The pain left almost as soon as it came. Kaoru relaxed in his embrace, leaning her forhead against his shoulder, she felt a trickle of sweat go down her forehead. These memories were driving her crazy-- she was not supposed to be experiencing them! No-- she couldn't allow it! She COULDN'T love him it was impossible.
" I'm fine " she said softly, she drew away from him and looked up at him, her eyes brimmed with tears. " Kenshin--"
Kenshin's heart skipped a beat, she gazed at him with so much compassion, and yet an incredible sadness was behind those wide blue eyes. He was afraid of what she was about to say.
" I can't be with you."
Kenshin felt as though he'd just gotten the wind knocked out of him. " Tell me why." He managed to choke out.
" But I just want to see you happy " She couldn't stop the tears from flowing any longer. But she made no move to hide them." So-- you should forget about me, find another woman who deserves your love "
" I'll be happy if I can have you." Kenshin looked at her intensely, his deep, purple eyes conveying all the emotion and pain he was feeling.
" No!" Kaoru cried out almost instantly. She tore her gaze from him, she couldn't take it anymore she couldn't stand up against that gaze filled with so much love-- love directed to her. Kenshin grabbed her shoulders again.
" WHY NOT?!"
" Because " she had to tell him. Tomoe's voice wrung in her mind.
" Tell him the truth "
She needed to tell him the truth. But how could she say that she wasn't
"allowed" to love him? That he'd be stuck with her for the
rest of his life and never be able to even hope of a relationship with her?
No-- she couldn't bring herself to say that. She fervently searched
for a different reason. A reason to give him for not loving him.
But how could she do that? She didn't even remember him. Those
memories that she was experiencing, her mind was in such turmoil that it
was painful. She had to make it stop-- make it stop once and for all.
" Why? Because I don't know who you are "
Kenshin blinked surprised. " You-- what?"
Kaoru took a deep breath, steadying her shaking voice. " I don't remember you! I don't remember myself even when I went to heaven, all of my memories from my past life were erased. Yahiko, Sano, Megumi-san, Enishi, EVERYONE especially you-- I don't remember anything I I don't love you, because I don't remember you..."
" AOSHI-SAMA! HURRY UP OR WE'LL BE LATE!!" Misao yelled
above the high winds. " WOW-- WHAT A STORM! IT'S EXCITING ISN'T
" " Aoshi gave no response, he took Misao by the arm and tugged her off to the side of the road, under an overhang that sheltered them from the rain and sharp winds.
" Aoshi-sama?" Misao looked at him confused.
" We should wait until the storm lightens up I don't want you to get sick." He muttered.
Misao blushed deeply. He was slowly beginning to show he cared. Little things like this meant a lot to her.
A sudden tremor went up Aoshi's spine as he quickly turned in the opposite direction they'd come.
" What's wrong, Aoshi-sama?" Misao could sense his tenseness.
" I feel " he didn't bother to complete his sentence, he walked a little ways and then disappeared into an alleyway.
" Oi! Wait up! Aoshi-sama!" Misao joined him as his walked briskly down towards another road, which ran parallel with theirs. " Where are you going?"
He turned and put a finger to her lips, silencing her.
Misao blushed a deep scarlet. He took his finger away and continued to walk, she followed him mutely, confusion growing with every step. Aoshi rounded a corner and then stopped just before another dark alleyway. He motioned Misao to stop and then leant up against he wall. Misao copied him. The wind had died down and she could hear a voice clearly. It was Kenshin's voice! He sounded like he was arguing with himself?
" KAORU-DONO!? Are you ok? What's wrong?"
" Tell me why..."
" I'll be happy if I can have you "
" WHY NOT?!"
Misao inhaled sharply. " Kenshin? What's wrong with him? He thinks he's talking to Kaoru-san!"